Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Monday, January 9, 2012
The Long Hair Cold War
Does your husband/boyfriend/girlfriend love long hair. Do you want to cut your hair off but are concerned that your significant other will wither up and die from disappointment? Trimming your tresses will prompt his soul to shatter into a thousand little hair sized shards on the salon floor?
Well ladies (and gents, if that's how you roll) I have been staging a cold war against R on this for a while now and I am willing to share my battle plans and tactics for I think that I am finally breaking him. Oh, he'll deny it, but how much more can he really take?
If you really want to get rid of your hair you are going to have to commit. And commit hard. Consistency is key. You're going to have to do some things that will even gross out your dog. But do it you will, because you are fighters!
WHO'S WITH ME?
Well ladies (and gents, if that's how you roll) I have been staging a cold war against R on this for a while now and I am willing to share my battle plans and tactics for I think that I am finally breaking him. Oh, he'll deny it, but how much more can he really take?
If you really want to get rid of your hair you are going to have to commit. And commit hard. Consistency is key. You're going to have to do some things that will even gross out your dog. But do it you will, because you are fighters!
WHO'S WITH ME?
Thursday, January 5, 2012
A Tale from the Dark Side - Miscarriage Part 3
Continuing on from Parts 1 & 2 wherein I experienced several miscarriages, one healthy pregnancy resulting in the birth of our beautiful boy Ender and finally passing the 3 month mark on a second baby boy. If you missed them, please read Part 1 and Part 2. Thank you.
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Almost 10 months ago, at over 4 months pregnant with our little boy (who we had already decided to name Ash) we went in for a big ultrasound and were lucky enough to spend quite a bit of time watching our little guy try to suck his thumb, kick his legs and generally jump around like a little bean. My husband and I went home giddy and immediately shared our scan of his precious little feet with our friends and parents.
A week later I started to bleed and cramp. I don't feel it is necessary to get into the technical medical details here but within 3 days we knew we would lose our unborn son. Unable to naturally complete the process on my own I was quickly scheduled for surgery. I remember calling my parents, sobbing. My poor father just sat on the end of the phone, trying to understand what was wrong with me, worried that something had happened to Ender or Rich. I couldn't even speak, feeling completely torn from the inside out. Finally I managed to suck in enough breath to tell him that my baby was gone. That little Ash would never be with us. To his credit, my father managed to get me calm enough to speak and then passed the phone to my mother who helped to talk me down until my husband, who was rushing home from work, made it through the door.
There is no pain, none, like losing a baby, even unborn. The medical staff and counselors at Kaiser handled us with kid gloves and offered us no end of help both physically and mentally. But to have the necessary question put to you, before the surgery, of 'Will you be having a funeral and do you need our help with arrangements?' is like having a boulder dropped on you. This was no early miscarriage, this was the death of our son.
We chose to grieve Ash's passing privately, in our own way. Even though we never got to hold him, we will never ever forget him. When I try to imagine what parents of children who pass away either by disease or accident or worse must go through, my mind breaks. I simply cannot even force myself to imagine it. After our own experience it just isn't something that I have the will to envision.
On the day of surgery my husband, who had been desperately trying to take on the role of caretaker, holding us together, laid his hand on my belly and said goodbye a few minutes before I was wheeled into the OR. When I came out we huddled together, got in the car and drove home where I would get a days rest before joining my parents and my brother and his family in Anaheim.
My parents were taking our whole family on a trip to Disneyland, you see. It had been planned for months. My surgery was on the day we were to have left San Fran for Anaheim. We very much considered cancelling but in the end we decided, having been granted my doctor's permission to travel, to fly down and be with my family during the difficult time. While I was not up to snuff physically, it was a godsend to be with them over the next week.
Time has gone on, we've patched up the wounds and have carried on with our lives. But there are still reminders. Like when his due date passed. Or when we see other beautiful, vibrant babies who were born around the same time. To this day I cry in the night. Not all the time, just every now and then. I think of the trees, the sunlight and the breeze and I know that Ash is somewhere out there in the universe and that he knows he is loved.
Our children are our blessings. I know several other women who have not even had the good fortune to get pregnant at all and my heart breaks for them. Some of us miscarry, some of us are infertile or go through the long painful process of invitro. Some of us will adopt and others will use a surrogate. Some of us will be faced with impossible decisions. Some of us will decide to keep trying and others will move on. None of us are perfect and we do what we can.
As for my husband and I - we are trying one more time. We have the strength to give it another shot. I don't know what is going to happen but I know that I will not be alone. If another baby is not meant to be, we are content and secure in our knowledge that our friends, our family and most importantly our son Ender are enough, they are all that we need.
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Thus ends my tale from the dark side. Thanks to Project 365 I was able to resolve to get this story published and carry on with the rest of my personal goal which is to post a snippet each day relating to our journey of trying to have a second baby this year. While this three part series has been painful and raw for me to write, further posts will be aimed at the lighter side of trying to conceive and, with enough luck, build a baby. Wish us luck :)
I would like to extend a special thank you to my husband for supporting me through this process and allowing me to share what was obviously a very personal experience for both of us. It has affected him as well as me to relive our loss - he is truly my hero.
-----------------------
Almost 10 months ago, at over 4 months pregnant with our little boy (who we had already decided to name Ash) we went in for a big ultrasound and were lucky enough to spend quite a bit of time watching our little guy try to suck his thumb, kick his legs and generally jump around like a little bean. My husband and I went home giddy and immediately shared our scan of his precious little feet with our friends and parents.
A week later I started to bleed and cramp. I don't feel it is necessary to get into the technical medical details here but within 3 days we knew we would lose our unborn son. Unable to naturally complete the process on my own I was quickly scheduled for surgery. I remember calling my parents, sobbing. My poor father just sat on the end of the phone, trying to understand what was wrong with me, worried that something had happened to Ender or Rich. I couldn't even speak, feeling completely torn from the inside out. Finally I managed to suck in enough breath to tell him that my baby was gone. That little Ash would never be with us. To his credit, my father managed to get me calm enough to speak and then passed the phone to my mother who helped to talk me down until my husband, who was rushing home from work, made it through the door.
There is no pain, none, like losing a baby, even unborn. The medical staff and counselors at Kaiser handled us with kid gloves and offered us no end of help both physically and mentally. But to have the necessary question put to you, before the surgery, of 'Will you be having a funeral and do you need our help with arrangements?' is like having a boulder dropped on you. This was no early miscarriage, this was the death of our son.
We chose to grieve Ash's passing privately, in our own way. Even though we never got to hold him, we will never ever forget him. When I try to imagine what parents of children who pass away either by disease or accident or worse must go through, my mind breaks. I simply cannot even force myself to imagine it. After our own experience it just isn't something that I have the will to envision.
On the day of surgery my husband, who had been desperately trying to take on the role of caretaker, holding us together, laid his hand on my belly and said goodbye a few minutes before I was wheeled into the OR. When I came out we huddled together, got in the car and drove home where I would get a days rest before joining my parents and my brother and his family in Anaheim.
My parents were taking our whole family on a trip to Disneyland, you see. It had been planned for months. My surgery was on the day we were to have left San Fran for Anaheim. We very much considered cancelling but in the end we decided, having been granted my doctor's permission to travel, to fly down and be with my family during the difficult time. While I was not up to snuff physically, it was a godsend to be with them over the next week.
Time has gone on, we've patched up the wounds and have carried on with our lives. But there are still reminders. Like when his due date passed. Or when we see other beautiful, vibrant babies who were born around the same time. To this day I cry in the night. Not all the time, just every now and then. I think of the trees, the sunlight and the breeze and I know that Ash is somewhere out there in the universe and that he knows he is loved.
Our children are our blessings. I know several other women who have not even had the good fortune to get pregnant at all and my heart breaks for them. Some of us miscarry, some of us are infertile or go through the long painful process of invitro. Some of us will adopt and others will use a surrogate. Some of us will be faced with impossible decisions. Some of us will decide to keep trying and others will move on. None of us are perfect and we do what we can.
As for my husband and I - we are trying one more time. We have the strength to give it another shot. I don't know what is going to happen but I know that I will not be alone. If another baby is not meant to be, we are content and secure in our knowledge that our friends, our family and most importantly our son Ender are enough, they are all that we need.
------------------------------
Thus ends my tale from the dark side. Thanks to Project 365 I was able to resolve to get this story published and carry on with the rest of my personal goal which is to post a snippet each day relating to our journey of trying to have a second baby this year. While this three part series has been painful and raw for me to write, further posts will be aimed at the lighter side of trying to conceive and, with enough luck, build a baby. Wish us luck :)
I would like to extend a special thank you to my husband for supporting me through this process and allowing me to share what was obviously a very personal experience for both of us. It has affected him as well as me to relive our loss - he is truly my hero.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Stupid shit my husband does.
This is a huge gel spider. In my sink. In water. I have arachnophobia.
So I texted this pic to Esme. She dug it. Now I owe her a new phone.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Shit that Happens in the Middle of the Night
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
My First Vlog! Three Things I Can't Live Without.
I decided to actually do a little Vlog just for fun and to try it out. I was inspired by Vlog Talk and decided to use one of this week's prompts, which is:
I couldn’t make it through the day without these 3 items. What are they? Show us what they are and tell us why.
So that's what I did! See for yourself.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Photo: Happiness
This is what my husband left on the fridge early this morning before leaving on another business trip. He's smart.
Monday, December 12, 2011
March 14 - Steak & BJs?
I just found out through the Scary Mommy forums that March 14 is designated as Steak and BJ day for men. Why have I never heard of this? I was both intrigued and annoyed when I made the discovery because (a) how did something like this escape my notice; and (b) was there an equivalent day for women*?
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| Image via Wikipedia |
Saturday, December 10, 2011
You ate the LAST Oreo? Choose your weapon, Sir!
My husband (R) has been working a ton lately including a lot of late nights or heading out of town on business. My son, E, has been very sensitive to the Daddy-absences over the past few weeks.
The little guy is normally not much of a stickler for protocol, so a five minute warning is enough to ease his transitions (moving from one activity to another) but when he gets into a funk over Daddy being away or hits a developmental milestone he does a complete about face and routine becomes all important.
During these crunch times when I'm already at the end of my single-parenting, work-widowed rope, if you screw with our plans and upset our boat you will likely be staring at the business end of a 3 year old's hissy fit and then I have to kill you. I'm not kidding, I will cut you.
Part of said routine is that E and I have a little cookie and milk snack every day when he comes home from preschool. So when one day this week we came home to find that someone (not me!) had eaten the last Oreo, the proverbial shit hit the fan.
Too tired to deal with a spazzing kid, I ended up baking gingerbread cookies which was really fun aside from the little beads of sweat popping out of my forehead at the possibility of E remembering he wanted Oreos. Please Flying Spaghetti Monster, let the gingerbread be enough!
Before you raise an eyebrow at my fear of a three year old child, you Judgey Judgersons, let me say that I don't usually feel that vulnerable to his demands. However, this day I was super tired, worn out and looking to avoid any hassle altogether, from anyone.
Once I had him settled in with some cars to play with, you know what happened next! Using the most powerful means available to a nagging wife - text and email - I took all my frustration out on R, who was probably sitting in a meeting blissfully ignorant of just how shit things had turned at home because he ate the last freaking Oreo!!! Blarg! Eventually (in an attempt to stop the barrage) he wisely suggested that he would, late at night and on his way home, stop at the store to pick up more Oreos.
Since he was stopping anyways I asked him to pick up some dark chocolate for making 'Healthy Fudge' this weekend. (Look for a post on Sunday with the recipe, it's really good.) He usually picks up anything else we need while he's at it.
The next morning I woke up and stumbled into the kitchen to put on some coffee before my boys got up. On the counter was placed a single bag from the grocery store. As I peered inside I saw two packs of Oreos - double-stuffed - and four bars of dark chocolate. That's it. Nothing else.
So naturally, when my husband sauntered out of the bedroom and flopped onto the couch, I pointed at the bag of cookies and chocolate and asked, "Did the cashier ask if you were on your period? Seriously, this looks like a PMS supply kit. Is there something about you I should know?"
He laughed, snorting a little. Which I LOVE. I really do, I'm not even being sarcastic. R has the best over-tired laugh of anyone I've ever met, bar none.
And then in reply he said, "I just figured you'd need it soon...."
Well played, sir.
Do you have little rituals that you do with your child? Or with your husband? Do you use routine to save yourself if your husband travels or works long hours? What happens when your routine gets shot to hell?
The little guy is normally not much of a stickler for protocol, so a five minute warning is enough to ease his transitions (moving from one activity to another) but when he gets into a funk over Daddy being away or hits a developmental milestone he does a complete about face and routine becomes all important.
During these crunch times when I'm already at the end of my single-parenting, work-widowed rope, if you screw with our plans and upset our boat you will likely be staring at the business end of a 3 year old's hissy fit and then I have to kill you. I'm not kidding, I will cut you.
 |
| Image via Wikipedia |
Too tired to deal with a spazzing kid, I ended up baking gingerbread cookies which was really fun aside from the little beads of sweat popping out of my forehead at the possibility of E remembering he wanted Oreos. Please Flying Spaghetti Monster, let the gingerbread be enough!
Before you raise an eyebrow at my fear of a three year old child, you Judgey Judgersons, let me say that I don't usually feel that vulnerable to his demands. However, this day I was super tired, worn out and looking to avoid any hassle altogether, from anyone.
Once I had him settled in with some cars to play with, you know what happened next! Using the most powerful means available to a nagging wife - text and email - I took all my frustration out on R, who was probably sitting in a meeting blissfully ignorant of just how shit things had turned at home because he ate the last freaking Oreo!!! Blarg! Eventually (in an attempt to stop the barrage) he wisely suggested that he would, late at night and on his way home, stop at the store to pick up more Oreos.
Since he was stopping anyways I asked him to pick up some dark chocolate for making 'Healthy Fudge' this weekend. (Look for a post on Sunday with the recipe, it's really good.) He usually picks up anything else we need while he's at it.
The next morning I woke up and stumbled into the kitchen to put on some coffee before my boys got up. On the counter was placed a single bag from the grocery store. As I peered inside I saw two packs of Oreos - double-stuffed - and four bars of dark chocolate. That's it. Nothing else.
So naturally, when my husband sauntered out of the bedroom and flopped onto the couch, I pointed at the bag of cookies and chocolate and asked, "Did the cashier ask if you were on your period? Seriously, this looks like a PMS supply kit. Is there something about you I should know?"
He laughed, snorting a little. Which I LOVE. I really do, I'm not even being sarcastic. R has the best over-tired laugh of anyone I've ever met, bar none.
And then in reply he said, "I just figured you'd need it soon...."
Well played, sir.
Do you have little rituals that you do with your child? Or with your husband? Do you use routine to save yourself if your husband travels or works long hours? What happens when your routine gets shot to hell?
Friday, December 9, 2011
All I want for Christmas is Me
Oh hi there. Yes, you, over there - with the Lululemon pants and the Starbucks.
You look like a fit, healthy, well-rested modern day woman who gets to the yoga studio and has amazing girls' nights out with your equally awesome friends.
Um, this may be a little awkward, but have you seen my butt? It was last seen about 4 years ago heading home from a Yin class in Yaletown, wrapped in a pair of tight black yoga pants and securing numerous stares and compliments from passersby.
I thought you may know where it is, since you seem to travel in the same circles as my butt did.
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| Image by mindwalker2076 via Flickr This came up when I searched for 'Yin' so I had to include it. |
Does this conversation sound familiar? Do you wonder where your butt went? Your nice, tight booty, perky boobs, glowing complexion and expensively colored and styled hair left you when you had your kids? Your manicure and your pedicure and waxed legs, pits, eyebrows and bikini line hit the road when you stopped getting a full night of sleep and had no time to waste on silly things like self-grooming?
Well this year I've decided that unlike the usual vapid Christmas list, I'm going for broke. That's right - I want ME back!
A bunch of things need to happen to effect my desired result so I spent a good amount of time thinking about it and narrowed it down to 10 things. My list is compiled in order of importance but that mostly just indicates which 'surprise!' gift certificates I want to open first.
Husband! Listen up!
1. Professional hair color/cut at the uber hair salon that I used to frequent.
2. Mani/pedi including reflexology.
3. Hour long massage at a spa complete with cucumbers on my eyes, a facial and a fluffy robe. And little sandwiches, juice and a fruit plate.
4. Two or three really good nights of sleep. Uninterrupted by man, dog, child or alarm.
5. A trip to the MAC store for makeup application and the product that goes with it.
6. Full body waxing. Ok not the entire body but all the gross bits.
7. Dinner out with a few girlfriends. Including wine and a taxi home. Or limo if you want to go all out.
8. Time each week to go running or to the gym, at least one evening a week. That includes childcare.
9. A personalized full service bra fitting complete with new bras.
10. A stylus and illustrator program so I can ignore everyone and hide out in the office making funny
pictures and giggling maniacally to myself.
That's it! Please please please, I've been such a good girl this year. I've been covered in poop and food. I've endured tantrums and work stresses and a bad dog. A fucking TREE FELL ON MY CAR. I deserve this. I need this.
And if you see my butt can you please tell it I miss it and I've love for it to come home. Don't forget to mention that I will really commit this time - lots of squats and lunges, as many as it needs.
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| Image by Mat Honan via Flickr These are not my butt. |
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Listen up husbands! It matters when you are late.
"Honey - I'm gonna be a bit late"
SKREEEE!
How often have you told your stay at home husband/wife/partner, "I'll be home at 6pm" and then at around 6:20pm called or texted or skyped to let them know that you are 'just now stepping out of the office to head home'? Once a week? Once a month? More? Or worse yet, do you wait until your significant other calls YOU 30 minutes after you should have arrived only so that you can tell them you didn't have 30 seconds to step out of a meeting to inform them you'd be an hour late?
You may think that the partner stuck at home (with the kids who want to go to the park, dinner not ready, the pet that needs to pee and a delivery man at the door) having a complete mental breakdown because you are 'only 20 minutes late' is over-reacting. And in some cases that may be true.
SKREEEE!
How often have you told your stay at home husband/wife/partner, "I'll be home at 6pm" and then at around 6:20pm called or texted or skyped to let them know that you are 'just now stepping out of the office to head home'? Once a week? Once a month? More? Or worse yet, do you wait until your significant other calls YOU 30 minutes after you should have arrived only so that you can tell them you didn't have 30 seconds to step out of a meeting to inform them you'd be an hour late?
You may think that the partner stuck at home (with the kids who want to go to the park, dinner not ready, the pet that needs to pee and a delivery man at the door) having a complete mental breakdown because you are 'only 20 minutes late' is over-reacting. And in some cases that may be true.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
How do you cope when your husband travels?
My husband travels for business and every month or two he is gone for anywhere from a few days to a week.
He is currently in Seattle (haha it's raining there) and this time around I zeroed in on the pattern of behavior that I go through each and every time he travels.
Read through my stages of being a temporary single parent after the jump.
He is currently in Seattle (haha it's raining there) and this time around I zeroed in on the pattern of behavior that I go through each and every time he travels.
Read through my stages of being a temporary single parent after the jump.
Friday, November 25, 2011
The Moron Test
Ender and I were cuddling on the couch this morning and I let him play with my iPhone. Rich woke up and came into the living room to ruin it with his judginess. Yes that is another made up word.
R: Why is Ender playing with your phone, what is he doing?
me: Browsing apps and now he is doing the Moron Test.
R: Why do you have a moron test app on your iPhone?
Are you concerned that you are a moron?
me: What? No! I just.. it's just reassuring to know...
R: So then you DO suspect you may be a moron.
me: Why are you being like this?
R: I'm not being anything except afraid you'll discover you're a moron.
me: I'm done talking to you.
Tomorrow I am the one who gets to sleep in and we'll see who wins morning word battle then!
Related articles
R: Why is Ender playing with your phone, what is he doing?
me: Browsing apps and now he is doing the Moron Test.
R: Why do you have a moron test app on your iPhone?
Are you concerned that you are a moron?
me: What? No! I just.. it's just reassuring to know...
R: So then you DO suspect you may be a moron.
me: Why are you being like this?
R: I'm not being anything except afraid you'll discover you're a moron.
me: I'm done talking to you.
Tomorrow I am the one who gets to sleep in and we'll see who wins morning word battle then!
Related articles
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Picture Song and Breaking up with a Cold
Woke up at about 4:30am today with a coughing fit. "Hello Cold" I thought to myself. Then I said "You know Cold, you're a real jerk" and I tried to break up with it because it's not just being attentive and interested in me anymore, now it's just being clingy and stalker like. I'm just not getting anything out of the relationship, you know what I mean?
I know, I know, you guys are getting that vibe how when one of your friends keeps complaining about her boyfriend or husband, 'Oh he's such a jerk he did blah blah blah' and after 6 months of listening and sympathizing you just want to punch her in the face and tell her to either break up or shut up. Please don't punch me - I'm actively taking steps to get rid of this Cold-person.
Now the Cold is trying to break up my marriage by making me look stupid and annoying. This is what it did to sabotage my marriage this morning:
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| Image by Getty Images via @daylife |
Me singing (upon walking in house after dropping Ender*): 'I thought about you for a long time, can't seem to get you off of my mind, I can't understand why we're living life this waaaaaaay'. (by Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow)
R: Stop doing that, you're going to hurt your voice.
Me: Wait what? I don't sound like Sheryl Crow?
R: No.
Me: Oh. Well, do I sound like Kid Rock?
R: A little - but more gravelly. I'm not a fan.
Me: *mumble* I made R's ears sad. Thanks Cold.
And the Cold is SO not invited to Thanksgiving. Seriously it had better not even think of showing itself after today. I'll even help it pack up and move on out. Of my body.
Do you think the Cold will sit around somewhere listening to 'Picture' after it leaves? The irony!
Do you think the Cold will sit around somewhere listening to 'Picture' after it leaves? The irony!
*at preschool, not on the ground
UPDATE: And it had better give me my damn voice back when it leaves!!
UPDATE: And it had better give me my damn voice back when it leaves!!
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