Comment Battle - Crazy Style

Imagine yourself sitting in a room full of people. Perhaps you are at a PTA meeting or in a night class at the local college. Maybe you are attending a book club meetup.

As everyone mills around, chatting about their day, catching up on their lives and exploits, one woman, we'll call her 'Sarah', laughingly says to the people gathered around her, "I can't believe how much I hate the treadmill. It's like torture! I'd much rather be sitting on the couch eating cupcakes and watching a bad lifetime movie on television. You guys should join me! I'll share the chocolate!"

A few women around her laugh, nodding their heads in understanding. Their days are a cluster of appointments, obligations and work schedules. Fitting in a workout involves epic time management skills for they not only have to work around all their personal crap but they need to find an hour or so away from their little ones as well. And with a husband who works night and day at the office, well, you know how hard that can be. Sarah made them laugh a little. She has described what they would all like to do but are all educated and adult enough to know that it was a joke. Sarah isn't really advocating that her friends all stop exercising. In summary, most of her 'audience' can relate.

Continue reading to see how Jane reacts...

I have the flu and I hate everything.

Yesterday I had a perfectly wonderful morning at the playground with E, Esme and her son. The kids had a great time, we walked up to the beach, wrote our names in the sand and the kids chased seagulls. I got semi-eaten by a purple dragon.

Then we went for lunch followed by chiro adjustments for myself and E.

We felt GREAT!

Until about 8pm last night. Out of nowhere (well, it was from 'somewhere' but you don't need to hear about it) my body decided that nothing - NOTHING - should be left inside of it.

I swear I felt like I'd been poisoned, but apparently it is a flu based on the evidence that Esme ate the same thing I did yesterday and did not get poisoned.

So the upside is that no one is trying to kill me.

The downside is that I ended up getting zero sleep last night, my dog was uninterested in huggling me on the bedroom or bathroom floors and I was too sick to get the 10 feet from my bed to the thermostat 900 times to adjust it based on my current state of either fever or chills.

I hate flus. I hate them so much.

OK - this was a bummer post. Hopefully tomorrow I'll still be alive and can maybe write something witty or happy.

Poop.

Image by bullcitydogs via Flickr
This dog's name is Esme.
It is not my friend Esme.

Healthy Chocolate Fudge

Here is the recipe for Healthy Chocolate Fudge that I was talking about last week. It's really yummy, not all that hard to make and uses better-for-you ingredients.

This fudge does turn out a little moister than most due to the coconut oil and should be kept refrigerated. It won't exactly melt, but it will make your fingers pretty sticky if you leave it out too long. I also wouldn't leave it out on a table at room temperature for too long, say, at a party.

My son and his friends loved it when I made it for his birthday party at his daycare.

Recipe after the jump!

Holiday Fitness Challenge - Update

Well, it's been over a week since I promised myself that I would not gain any weight over the holidays and it's time for an update.

If you missed my post outlining the challenge, you can find it here.

Food

My son used to attend an all-day daycare where his lunch was provided and I also had 4 extra hours in my day to take care of all the things on my to-do lists. Yes, lists is plural. Yes I have multiple lists. I am a lister. Shut up!

Anyhoo - I guess 4 extra hours alone gave me the time to make myself a good healthy breakfast and lunch without really thinking about it. Because now that E is home by 12:30 every day I find I am rushing through meals, ie grabbing a cereal bar for breakfast (horrible for you) or making a peanut butter sandwich for lunch (bread makes you fat, mkay?).

E also takes a home-packed lunch to school now and I make sure he has a good, healthy variety of lunch foods each day. One of the best things I did was get him a Planet Box. It's the coolest, most useful lunch kit I've ever seen. The plastic or tupperware ones are fine but the metal Planet Box is a step above. It's also a higher price tag, but worth it, in my opinion.

As I was packing his box the other morning with blackberries, greek yogurt, carrot sticks and bunny grahams I thought to myself, "Self - you're a complete idiot. You take the time to shop for and pack a healthy lunch for E and then you eat like shit because you're in a hurry. PACK TWO LUNCHES, BRAINIAC."

Yep. That's how I'm going to provide myself with good midday food - packing two lunches instead of one. That way when it comes time to eat it will all be ready and laid out and actually a time-saver.

Exercise 

How do you fit in a workout when you are slammed with preparing for the holidays? Here is my pro tip for those of you in warm climates with a park nearby: Go there. I know right? I'm brilliant. Look - getting to the park once every day or two has a multitude of benefits.

You get fresh air, you get a break from the tedium of whatever else you were doing and your kids will love it. You can get exercise by climbing, sliding and pushing the swings along with the little ones. Sure it's not an epic workout, but it's better than sitting on the couch eating Santa chocolates.

If you are really into it there are lots of exercises that you can do while your kids are playing in the playground.

1. Park benches are usually the ideal height for doing squats. Tap your butt, don't sit.
2. Do walking lunges around the play area.
3. Do incline pushups on the benches.
4. Do dips on the benches.
5. If there is an appropriately clean spot, you can do crunches on the ground.
6. Do a standing ab workout.
6. Sit on the bench and do your kegels, ladies.
7. Plank. Your kids will think it's hilarious.

If you are saying to yourself, 'But my kids are 4-legged and hairy!' try doing most of this stuff at the doggy park.

Pop in a workout DVD or find one on Netflix. Even Hulu has some yoga and whatnot. Or just go for a walk. If it's cold, bundle up and cruise through your neighborhood (on foot!) with the kids to check out some holiday lights.

Cheats - The Holidays Made Me Do It

• two Oreo cookies 
• a bar of dark chocolate
• a gingerbread latte
• two home-made gingerbread cookies
• half a churro

Results

Actually dropped a couple of pounds since the beginning of the month but that was likely due to having 'lady bloat' then. So basically I've had some cheat foods but I'm maintaining the status quo.


How are you doing? Are you keeping your journal? Getting exercise? Anyone have good quick exercise tips for those of you covered in winter snow (besides shoveling the driveway, heh heh)?

Related articles

• Today's Lifehacker Workout: The Deck of Cards [Video] (lifehacker.com)
• Take Your Lunch to Work (Every) Day 8 containers to make packing a lunch fun and easy (theinsider.retailmenot.com)
• Five Exercises You Can Do at the Playground (thebeautybean.com)

31 days of holiday food destined to destroy your waistline?

I will not allow the holidays to make me fat!

December is a nightmare in terms of nutrition. It's one of the times of year that I am very glad that I no longer head in to the firm 5 days a week.

Gift baskets, home-made cookie exchanges, candy bowls, chocolate and thank-you treats passing by my desk as well as the unrelenting barrage of peppermint, eggnog, gingerbread and pumpkin lattes at the coffee shop downstairs and on the walk to work are impossible to dodge.

That, coupled with holiday parties filled with delectable food and amazing drinks, would normally instigate a good 5 pound jump on the scale, not to mention sugar comas and caffeine highs.

This year is going to be different baby. I'm going to get in BETTER shape this December. I don't really need to lower my number on the scale - in fact I would like to add some muscle tone and definition so my number might actually go up.

But if there is anything that I have learned over the years with my two fantastic trainers it's that the scale doesn't mean shit. It's an indicator but that's it. Total body fat, your appearance, how you feel, your health and how your clothes fit are, or should be, more important to you.

Swearing is GOOD for you! No lie.

I'm an admitted potty-mouth. I swear like a trucker when I get annoyed. Not always the F-bomb either. I like to make up new swear words and I'm not going to list them here but believe me, they're pretty great.

I've often thought about how I should cut back on the expletives. I don't use them around my son unless something really crazy happens and then I immediately cover it up by pretending that I said something that sounds similar to the curse word. I've actually become quite a pro in the art of swear-diversion.

Considering that I have probably cut my swearing out by about 70% I'm fairly certain that my child won't go around telling his teacher to 'eff off' or anything like that. The day he falls of a monkey bar and exclaims "Gah! Shit!" I will die a thousand shame-filled deaths.

So can swearing be good for you? Read on for the answer.

Weekend Breakfast a la Husband

Om nom nom.
Best breakfast EVER.

My husband makes us breakfast on the weekends. I'm grateful for many reasons - it means I don't have to cook, we all get a great meal to start off our day of activities and he's really good at it so it tastes amazing.

After much begging, complimenting and butt-kissing I have convinced him to write up his recipe and you are going to want to try it. Apparently 'there is a right way and a wrong way to cook scrambled eggs' and he learned it from a video by Gordon Ramsay. We were watching a lot of food p0rn during our 40 day juice fast a few months ago.

So here it is:

Scrambled Eggs with Roasted Tomatoes, Mushrooms and Toast

Eggs Ingredients:

• Nob of butter (I don't know what the heck a 'nob' is when referring to food but I'm going to go ahead and say that it is a 'chunk' or '1/2 stick' of butter)
• 1/2 tsp sour cream
• salt & pepper
• sprinkling of chopped chives

The key to this recipe is technique in heat management of the pan. You allow the heat of the pan to slowly and indirectly cook the eggs.

Add the eggs and butter to a pan or sauce pan on med heat.

Continue stirring the eggs as you take the pan on and off the heat to not allow heavy curds to form. This will make your eggs smooth and creamy.

When firm enough for your taste take the pan off the fire and add in the sour cream to stop the cooking.

Add salt and pepper at the end. Don’t want to add salt during cooking because it causes the eggs to cook differently.

Sprinkle in chives to taste.

Roasted cherry tomatoes & mushrooms:

Grab a bunch of cherry tomatos & sliced fresh mushrooms, throw them in a separate pan on low heat with a drizzle of oil and salt/pepper to taste. Let them slowly cook while you scramble the eggs, giving the pan a shake every now and then. They will be done when the eggs are done. Your tomatos may split a bit but who cares?

Serve eggs on top of toasted rye or sourdough bread with tomatos and mushrooms on the side.

YUMMY!

Picture Song and Breaking up with a Cold

Woke up at about 4:30am today with a coughing fit. "Hello Cold" I thought to myself. Then I said "You know Cold, you're a real jerk" and I tried to break up with it because it's not just being attentive and interested in me anymore, now it's just being clingy and stalker like. I'm just not getting anything out of the relationship, you know what I mean?

I know, I know, you guys are getting that vibe how when one of your friends keeps complaining about her boyfriend or husband, 'Oh he's such a jerk he did blah blah blah' and after 6 months of listening and sympathizing you just want to punch her in the face and tell her to either break up or shut up. Please don't punch me - I'm actively taking steps to get rid of this Cold-person.

Now the Cold is trying to break up my marriage by making me look stupid and annoying. This is what it did to sabotage my marriage this morning:

Image by Getty Images via @daylife

Me singing (upon walking in house after dropping Ender*): 'I thought about you for a long time, can't seem to get you off of my mind, I can't understand why we're living life this waaaaaaay'. (by Kid Rock/Sheryl Crow)

R: Stop doing that, you're going to hurt your voice.

Me: Wait what? I don't sound like Sheryl Crow?

R: No.

Me: Oh. Well, do I sound like Kid Rock?

R: A little - but more gravelly. I'm not a fan.

Me: *mumble* I made R's ears sad. Thanks Cold.

And the Cold is SO not invited to Thanksgiving. Seriously it had better not even think of showing itself after today. I'll even help it pack up and move on out. Of my body.

Do you think the Cold will sit around somewhere listening to 'Picture' after it leaves? The irony!

*at preschool, not on the ground

UPDATE:  And it had better give me my damn voice back when it leaves!! 

Related articles

• 10 Reasons why you should try to have all your colds before you have kids. (scribblesaurus.blogspot.com)

10 Reasons why you should try to have all your colds before you have kids.

With cold and flu season upon us and having fallen victim myself (yep, I'm still whining) I got to thinking that a cold is ridiculously easy to manage before you have kids so you really should go ahead and try to do all your sick-getting ahead of time.  Here is a list of 10 reasons you might want to think about getting your colds out of the way now:

1. You can sit around and cough at any place in your house that you deem appropriate. Anywhere. For as long as it takes.
2. You can lay on the couch with your feel-better accessories all day. All day.
3. You only have to get out of bed to pee or grab another package of kleenex.
4. You don't have to be woken in the morning by someone jumping on your tender lungs.
5. You don't have to sterilize yourself and feed other people.
6. You don't have to go to the park. Or outside at all for that matter.
7. You don't have to hide in the garage during midnight coughing fits for fear of waking the kid.
8. Your dog won't get sick of having to spend time with you in quarantine.
9. If your throat hurts really bad you don't have to talk.
10. You don't risk peeing a little from coughing, sneezing or blowing your nose.

That last one was probably a little more mommy-related but I don't want to be gender racist so I'm not going to point that out...shit.

Image via Wikipedia.
That guy looks crazy mad.