Shit that Happens in the Middle of the Night

I've been having insomnia again. Last night as I was up creeping through the house in the dark of night I realized just exactly how weird it is to be up when no one else is. Mostly because it's pitch black in here. I feel like if I turn a light on I'm giving in to being awake for hours.

Stuff I Saw on Reddit

The classic yawn-scream. Plus cats.

More funny & stuff after the jump!

The R Word

When I was a little kid we called people 'retarded'. It wasn't meant to be hurtful to actual mentally challenged people. We just didn't think of it that way. It was sometimes meant to point out when someone did something out of ignorance, which refers to the state of being uninformed.

I'm a bored, stinky, annoying geek. You?

Sometimes I sit back and take some inventory on how I'd doing as a person. You know like maybe some moral stuff or personality traits that suck and then I figure out how to hide it from people make a change.

Here are the things I came up with today that you might wish you didn't know.

1. I love Real Housewives of New Jersey but the rest of the Housewives shows blow.
   
2. Sometimes I tell my son I'm busy for a minute when I'm not because I just don't feel like getting up again for the 30th time in 5 minutes and I'm hoping he will forget that he wanted his blue car.
   
3. I started growing a black beard hair on my chin and it shows up to surprise me by growing 5mm overnight about once every 4 months.
   
4. My armpits got smellier since I was pregnant.
   
5. I text my husband way too much when he's at work and I'm bored. And then get irrationally mad at him when he doesn't respond right away.
   
6. I believe that I can dispel negative vibes or energy with a blast of light formed by the power of my mind.
   
7. Sometimes I poke my dog when she's sleeping because I want her to cuddle with me.
   
8. I watch way too many shows about ancient civilizations.
   
9. I was co-GM of a raiding guild in World of Warcraft until I had Ender. My last raid before quitting was a first down of Shade of Akama in Black Temple while I was nursing E on my lap.
   
10. Ezio in Assassin's Creed is my dream man.

This is obviously not Shade of Akama but it is
Gruul and it has some of my fav guildies in it.

Since we're in the mood for sharing, tell me something about you that would make this list! Don't be shy, all the cool kids are doing it.

Pure sick, pet & husband hugging, book reading, puddle splashing, pregnant getting, snuggy wearing awesomeness. Or whatever.

I'm not feeling very artsy, rant-like (yes that's a word I just made it up) or coherent today so I thought I'd just post a rundown of random stuff that's happened in the past 24 hours. Read on at your own risk. You should probably grab a coffee or a drink or something first.

Puddle Jumping - Friday afternoon Ender and I went splashing. He loved it and I stood out on the street taking photos and vids of him in the puddle, babbling away at him with my wheezy sick voice. Several people went by, none said a word. They were boring.

Snuggies - I discussed the likelihood of owning multiple snuggies with a stranger on twitter.

Breakdown - Battling strep is really hard when you are single parenting because your husband works all the time and your toddler has absolutely no concept of how close to the breaking point mommy might actually be. So there I sat, crying because I didn't want to get up and switch the milk I already got for E into a new glass that had blue on it. The yellow glass was perfectly fine and I couldn't even really explain it to him because whispering doesn't get through to an insistent preschooler! Then I cried because I'm SICK and frustrated until my little hero put his arms around me and said 'don't cry mommy.... are you fine now?'. Then I felt like a shit for making a 3 year old feel like he had to comfort me. I'm SO winning mommy of the year this time around. Plus I secretly felt a lot better for gaining the empathy of a 3 year old and convinced myself I've done something right in raising him.

Conception - Rich came home late two nights in a row to a sweaty, feverish, lung-hacking mess of a wife waving a positive ovulation test at him. I was super considerate and left my t-shirt on to contain the vapo-rub and kept my filthy strep mouth shut while he squeezed his eyes shut and managed to do his part. Yeah - it was pretty hot. Rich said he hopes we get pregnant so he can always remember how beautiful the moment was. He is such a smartass!

Forced Pet Cuddling - No one else would enter the bedroom last night. My family sort of put me on quarantine. But I was feeling alone and needy so I ordered Kyssa to come up on the bed and cuddle with me for a kind of forced-spooning while I mumbled about how she's the only one who loves me or something. She can't complain though because when I was pregnant with Ender she curled around my tummy every chance she got. Tit for tat, dog.  Tit for tat. (now a bunch of pervs are going to land here through dirty search terms...)

The Art of Being Offensive - I posted a status update on Facebook that said "So boys in the locker room are the new altar boys". Holy tumbleweeds Batman. I expected some sort of debate over that but I think it was SO offensive that everyone just did that cat thing from Puss in Boots.

Borderline Awkward Hugging - This morning I accosted Rich in the kitchen for a hug. He felt sorry for his pathetic whiney wifebot so he wrapped his arms around me in an attempt to make me feel better. So then I just stayed that way. Hugging. For quite a while - waiting to see how long it would be before he felt it would be appropriate to break contact. Did I mention he's quite a trooper?

Preschoolers can outsmart you. All the time - I've been trying to read this book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faver & Elaine Mazlish. I got to a section this morning about a woman who puts a sign up on the entrance to her kitchen to keep her little ones out so she can make dinner. I decided to solicit Ender's opinion and said "Hey E, if I put up a sign that says 'Kitchen Closed Until Dinner' will you stay out of the kitchen?". He laughed and sort of regarded me with that expression that people get when they look at retarded kittens and said "No mommy, but I can make a sign that says 'Kitchen Open' for you.".  From the mouths of babes.

A bunch of other crap happened but that's all I have time for right now. Uber-awesome Rich took E to a motorcycle show today so I can drug myself with Nyquil and sleep. Oh sweet elusive sleep. For all our faults, I think I married well :)

Twihards wield real power

In a totally expected shocking turn of events, the Tomatometer has nearly imploded.

Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I  pushed out an opening night rating on review site Rotten Tomatoes with a huge divide between critics and audience.  The critics rated the newest installment in the Twilight Saga (based on the books by Stephenie Meyer) at a terribad 27% while the audience gave it a whopping 92%*.

Pundits had a heyday joking about the Twihard encampment possibly getting more coverage and better participation than OWS and about all the potential cougar sightings. With that kind of fan commitment a movie is going to do well at the box office regardless of what its critics say.

Personally, I enjoyed the books. Yes, they were childish and angst-y but they were simple and I had a newborn baby, creating the perfect storm for a grown woman to enjoy a little bubblegum reading. In fact it was the Breaking Dawn book that jumped the shark for me. I mean 'Renesmee'? Good grief.

So what exactly are these critics saying?  Well, a lot. Here is a sample from each side.

By any normal standard, this is a terrible movie, with stilted dialogue and leaden pacing -- every 15 minutes or so, the action stops for a musical montage involving slow-motion handsomeness. But the Twilight saga stopped being normal a long time ago. - Slate

If you love the books, you'll love the movie. This one was the closest to the book of any so far but it isn't for the faint at heart. There were times I squirmed in my seat, laughed a bit and even teared up in a couple of spots. The best performances in the saga so far. Bill Condon did not let us down ... - Susan A

I don't think I'll bother going to the theater to see this one. Maybe I'll check it out when it is released to Netflix. Thanks morbid curiosity, thanks.

*at time of posting

I search so you don't have to!

I'm so sick that I could literally just crawl under the table and sleep for the day. E started a new preschool a few weeks ago and brought home his first 'new' cold/flu bug. So he's now home sick for the third day in a row since I'm super anal about not sending my kid to school to spread the germs. I don't need those dirty looks!

Unfortunately I think it hit me way harder than it did him - which is just more fodder for my conspiracy theory that toddlers are experimenting on us. I can't string more than one sentence together right now so I decided to do a little bit of link loving this morning.

Enjoy!!

Because your biggest worry when having relations with animals should be the risk of cancer. HuffPo

We totally should have done this to Ender. And my dog. Reddit

If pizza is a vegetable then I quit. I just quit. Boston.com

Ridiculous. Everyone knows that babies can handle a good solid stabbing. MSNBC

Just wait a sec before you cut that cord! BBC

Hey Robert Pattinson! I think someone liiiikes you ;P  Twihard Delight

Ender, Ender, how does your garden grow?

Water it. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Support Movember Now!

Yep, my husband is still growing that lovely pornstache in order to support Movember:

ABOUT THE CAMPAIGN

During November each year, Movember is responsible for the sprouting of moustaches on thousands of men’s faces, in the US and around the world. With their Mo’s, these men raise vital funds and awareness for men’s health, specifically prostate cancer and other cancers that affect men.

Once registered at www.movember.com, men start Movember 1st clean shaven. For the rest of the month, these selfless and generous men, known as Mo Bros, groom, trim and wax their way into the annals of fine moustachery. Supported by the women in their lives, Mo Sistas, Movember Mo Bros raise funds by seeking out sponsorship for their Mo-growing efforts.

Mo Bros effectively become walking, talking billboards for the 30 days of November. Through their actions and words they raise awareness by prompting private and public conversation around the often ignored issue of men’s health. 

At the end of the month, Mo Bros and Mo Sistas celebrate their gallantry and valor by either throwing their own Movember party or attending one of the infamous Gala Partés held around the world by Movember, for Movember.  (us.Movember.com)  

So as you can see it is really a great cause. If you could find a couple extra bucks to donate, please pledge Rich and his team by following this Pledge Link and clicking the Donate button below his picture. Prostates everywhere will be forever indebted to you and that's a pretty nice feeling.

I support Movember.  Do you??

All I want for Xmas!!

Scribblesaurus Attacks Pale Ale

Rainy Days

After a nasty sleep due to Ender's allergies keeping him (and me) awake for several hours last night we woke up to the wonderful world of rain this morning! I just had to get outside and take some photos of the wet surface textures - things that look so dusty and bleh on our normal hot days appear so refreshed in the rain.

Ender is home today for Veterans Day here in the US and, because we are Canadian, we will of course be taking part in the moment of silence for Remembrance Day as well. In a way the blustery wind and rain seems almost appropriate for such a solemn and deeply important day.

If you've never sat and listened to a Veteran tell their tales, you really should. My Grandfather fought in WWII and my mother was lost as a baby during the bombing of Berlin. I never ever want to experience what my grandparents went through and I know there are so many families out there today who are doing just that. Their sacrifices are never to be diminished regardless of what your personal view of any particular war or deployment may be, they didn't start the war, they're just trying to keep you safe. Thank any soldiers, military personnel and veterans you see today. It's the least you can do.

Have a meaningful day.

Mommy Running in the Rain

It is supposed to finally rain today! Even though I've been lied to all week by the weatherman I'm holding out hope that it will happen. Yes, they have lied specifically to me. Ok so they didn't but the betrayal is just as painful.

Hmm, maybe this Benadryl does make me a smidge goofy. I apologize in advance for the mind gaps that might happen during this post.

Anyways - back to the running and rain. I want so very badly to go for a barefoot run outside in the rain. There is nothing so fresh and cleansing as getting out and being part of the weather, watching the dust and grit and pollen getting washed away. The smell of the wet grass and flowers, the feel of it beneath my feet is like being transported to a different place. If you live in a fairly warm climate like here in the San Francisco bay area (but not under the fog blanket) it can get a bit boring just having sunny days all the time. Don't get me wrong - I love love love the sun. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But a little rain is necessary, right? If we weren't meant to be in the rain now and then we wouldn't be waterproof. So get out in it and enjoy if you can (and dress appropriately says the mommy in me).

If it happens I promise to take and post some pics. Right now I have to attend to my child who seems to have gone feral.

Side note:  I've gotten a few questions about barefoot running and about marathons and training.  As to the barefoot part - I will write a post this week about it and include some handy links and resources.  As to the marathon - you are asking the wroooong girl.  But there are some great websites like Runners World and if you want to check out a good blog for mommy running/training check out Runninghood.

Friday Positives & Negatives

Tricia started a thing on Facebook this morning about having to be nice to win a prize or a bet or something. Good luck!  hahaha Anyways - it got me to thinking about positives and negatives. So here is what I came up with today:

Positive:  I managed to shower this morning.
Negative:  I put my sick jammy pants back on because they were already 'broken in'.

Positive:  I washed my hair!
Negative:  I shed a big hairball from my head.
Positive:  I refrained from posting a picture of the hairball here.

Positive:  There will be new Handy Mannys on all next week.
Negative:  I care that there will be new Handy Mannys on all next week.

Positive:  Biggest traffic day yet on Scribblesaurus.
Negative:  You bastards only like me when I'm sick and have a messy house.

Negative:  It's probably going to rain.
Positive:  I will  Ender will get to stomp puddles in his rain boots!

Blah. And Baby Pandas!

You know how you know you're sick? You pick a t-shirt off the floor - one that you wore all day yesterday, including for your sweaty sick afternoon nap - and smell it to see if you can get away with wearing it again today instead of having to walk all the way to the closet for a new one. I couldn't - it smelled too bad.

While I was out dropping Ender at school, my dog stole Ender's cereal that he left on the table, bowl and all and then raided his Halloween stash and hid several candies in the couches. I don't care. I am going to lay on the couch anyways and probably get up later with a lollipop and a Muskateer stuck to my ass and my dog looking at me all shifty-eyed and accusing.

Unrelated:  Here's a picture of a baby panda.

Thx Reddit for the Baby Panda this Morning.

Offbeat Fashion

Just because I am a mom does not mean that I can't have a quirky sense of fashion. I don't actually wear these things around every day but I love to look because fashion can be a form of art.  So here are a few of the sites that I really like, Steampunk Couture in particular because they take such amazing photos of their work.

Steampunk Couture. Yes, I love Steampunk.  Gorgeous designs, gorgeous models, gorgeous photos.

Oh you didn't know I love all things zombie?  Are you new here?  ;)  The famed Iron Fist Zombie Stomper. Enjoy.

Sometimes I wish I lived in the era of the Pin Up Girl.  And this might just be my choice for holiday dress this year at Pin Up Girl Clothing. I especially like that they have clothes for the *ahem* bustier ladies.

Not as quirky obviously but holy shit some great deals can be found here if you are not close enough to visit an actual retail location - Nordstrom Rack.

Leave me a comment if you have a great fashion site that you like to browse.

Halloween Marshmallow Heads

I actually don't really like Halloween. No one in Canada cares about Halloween except little kids. OK that's probably not completely true but we Canucks don't go all out for it like these Americans do.

We're enjoying it much more this year since Ender is old enough now to be totally into it and his excitement is obviously infectious. So this year I actually bought two magazines that included ideas for homemade treats and decorations. That brings me to a grand total of, hmmm, let's see..... two Halloween magazines that I have bought in my whole life. Of course E commandeered them immediately and got his little precious heart set on these marshmallow lollipop treats decorated to look like Frankenstein, mummies, vampires and pumpkins.  They actually looked to be about the easiest thing in the mag to make, so, like a complete idiot with a WAY overestimated sense of self worth in the kitchen, said "Sure! What my baby wants, my baby gets!"

/facepalm

Rich always manages to take photos of grungy Trace.
Shout out to Empires and Allies, lol.

Half way done!

When the time came on Sunday to start dipping those marshmallows in chocolate I was still under the impression that I could handle this and whip up 28 pops in a couple of hours. Just a little dipping and piping. No big deal. Combine laundry, play time, a kid who needs to see them and wants to touch the treats every 5 minutes and it actually turned into a bit of a nightmare. Big thanks to Rich for getting E out of the house a couple times. I won't go into gory details but I ended up still piping frosting faces onto little pumpkins at 9:30 that night and my hand is still sore!

But oh they were so worth it!  They were a big hit at Ender's Halloween party and, more importantly, he himself LOVED them.

And I've already got a bunch of ideas to make some for the xmas holidays ;)

Of Vampires

So when did people stop being afraid of vampires? When did it go from the whole Fright Night and From Dusk Till Dawn genre to Twilight, True Blood and The Vampire Diaries?

Don't we remember the thrill of being scared of these things? When you could watch a scary vampire flick and then be way too wigged out to sleep alone that night, heart racing at every bump or branch tickling your window in the breeze?

Part of the allure of the vampire is its beauty, grace, immortality and sexuality, but has it gone too far? Do we really want to date one? It wasn't so long ago that people were worried about a 10 year age difference between a couple in a relationship. Now if one half is going to live forever then screw it? Literally?

I think it started when Interview With a Vampire was released as a movie. Who could resist Brad Pitt as the beautiful, tormented Louis. But all the same, there was Tom Cruise as the completely self-absorbed, cruel and spiteful Lestat. After that movie everyone wanted more Louis. I wanted more Lestat. And in fact Anne Rice's books do focus far more on Lestat. 

One thing that bugs me when I watch these shows (and don't get me wrong, I read all the Sookie Stackhouse novels and I would definitely lose my pants for Eric Northman) is that everyone is so infuriatingly nonchalant about it. It's a vampire! It can kill you by drinking your blood, whether by two little pin pricks in your neck or by tearing your head from your torso and bathing in your O negative. Or by jamming a straw in your neck and slurping, sort of like those Florida orange juice commercials. Come to think of that, I'd like to see Pam do that one episode. But I digress....

If someone comes up to me in a pub, no matter how frickin' hot they are, and says "Oh hey, yeah, so I'm a vampire. Yep, a real one. How you doin'?" and if I really believe that to be true, I will literally freak the shit out. Like hysterically. I guarantee I won't be saying 'Oh, really? That's neato.' I will not be sitting around making conversation banking that this thing isn't hungry right then. That would be akin to jumping in a shark tank with a great white and thinking 'That tuna probably filled it up. Yeah, it probably did.'

I want vampire movies to go back to the way they were. I want them ugly, fast, scary and sarcastic with a mouth full of teeth that don't fit in their grills. I want the creepy long fingers, the animal pupils, the blind desire to feed. I don't want it to be all angst-ridden, emo teenager who is just looking for love without ruining his hair. Perhaps my favorite vampire movies are the ones that have a twist of humor in them.

Do you remember a single line that Edward Cullen has ever said? Me neither. But I remember Lestat saying,

"Evil is a point of view. God kills indiscriminately and so shall we. For no creatures under God are as we are, none so like him as ourselves. "

I also remember this quote in From Dusk Till Dawn: 

"I know what's going on. We got a bunch of fucking vampires out there, trying to get in here and suck our fucking blood. And that's it. Plain and simple. I don't want to hear anything about "I don't believe in vampires," because I don't fucking believe in vampires, but I believe in my own two eyes, and what I saw, is fucking vampires. Now, do we all agree that what we are dealing with is vampires?"

We recently saw the remake of Fright Night starring Colin Farrell and Anton Yelchin. The original was in 1984 and starred Chris Sarandon (yes, Susan Sarandon's ex) and William Ragsdale (also Herman from Herman's Head - remember that?). That movie was awesome in the '80's and I was pleasantly surprised at how good the remake is. Colin Farrell as Jerry is such a total creep and I love him. If you haven't seen either of these movies, do it. You won't be sorry.

In closing I leave you with a third and final quote from Evil Ed (played by McLovin'):   

"I am seriously so angry that you think I read 'Twilight'!"

On Word Usage

Some things seem to exist only to drive you mad.  Like the dreaded 'ear worm' (thanks Rick Astley) certain words bug the shit out of me.

10 WORDS THAT BUG THE SHIT OUT OF ME

1.  McAnything.  Adding an erroneous 'Mc' to the beginning of any word is done.  It's over folks.  Stop it right meow.

eg.  "Wow, that cat is Super McFast!".

Nope, not unless you fry it in old grease and serve it up between a couple of petrified hamburger buns.  I'm not saying that doesn't exist somewhere, but likely not in your neighbor's yard. Depending where you live.  Dammit you know what I mean!  No more McStupid McFakey words.*

*Before you start drafting up your witty rebuttals, know that 'Mac' is also included. You MacSmartasses.

2.  Uber.  In and of itself, this word isn't all that bad.  In a weird way it sort of makes me think of IKEA.  It's a satisfactorally composed word that's pretty easy to put together.  Except that some people refuse to read the directions.

eg. "That gear on your level 48 fury warrior is pretty uber!"

Wrong!  Uber should only be used as an adjective BEFORE the noun.  Not as a standalone at the end of a sentence.

eg.  "You have such an uber 'chant on your chest piece that Gruul is reduced to swatting at you like a kitten."

Correct.  You wouldn't put the drawers in before tightening the bolts on the frame, now would you?

3.  Winning.  'Winning' is for losers.  The end.

4.  Bro.  Are you a super tanned, super ripped twenty-something that spends every moment of his free time surfing in either California or Australia, living in a tent and eating grubs and seaweed (while hiding a secret trust fund) in order to establish your cred?  Oh you are?  Ok, then you can say 'bro'.  If not, don't.

5.  Number 1 and Number 2 as alternatives to Pee and Poo.  Come on!!  With all the things that us parents have to worry about, are you really that concerned that your kid say pee or poo?  Do you think they will go their whole lives excusing themselves to go 1 or 2?  All they are going to do is make up other phrases like 'making butt putty'.  Same goes for using the scientific names.  I just don't see Ender going to the pediatrician and saying 'Why yes, good doctor!  My bowel movements have been regular and solid, thank you.  Indeed.'

6.  Dope.  Things are not dope.  Whether referring to a person or to drugs, it's not really a positive descriptor.

eg.  "That walkman is so dope!"  Really?  A cassette player made of meth that can't string enough words together to form a coherent sentence?  I'll take two!

7.  Score.  Should only be used when referring to which team or individual is winning or losing at a sporting event.  Period.

eg.  "The score is 10-1 Canucks vs San Jose."  Correct.
eg.  "Hey, can you score me some tickets to Nickleback?"  Wrong.  In so many ways, wrong.

8. Burn.  Perfectly acceptable when used to describe something that is on fire.  Not acceptable to taunt the victim of a sarcastic comment.

eg. "Don't burn the house down you little pyromaniac!"  Good usage there.
eg.  "Oooooh, buuuuuurn!"  *ring* *ring*  Hello?  Yes, I'm calling you on your brickish gray Motorola Flip Phone to let you know that you can stop using words from the 90's.  K bye.

9.  Harsh.  Using the word harsh is harsh.  Oh, you see what I did there.

10.  Any celebrity names jammed together to indicate current relationship status.  Brangelina, Bennifer, etc.  I just can't even write about it.  Probably because I'm older than 12.

Why would I do this? WHY?

This is a difficult question to answer.  Mostly because Rich is currently listening to random sound bytes to put into the game he's been working on and I can't concentrate.  It's like sitting in a high school gymnasium listening to 17 year old DJ Wicked Face trying to mix his teacher-approved CD's with a soundtrack he ripped from Gears of War.  Two.  Or something.

Anyways, I think I'm doing this because (a) I need something to do that can constantly morph, (b) writing is a great way to satisfy my need to create, and (c) I am pretty sure I can guilt/strong-arm/wheedle enough of my friends into reading it to make it worthwhile.

I am holding out hope that after an initial batch of scribblings from my brain that will probably make no sense whatsoever (sort of like having a conversation with me in person) things will settle into a more manageable form and relevant topics of the day will be the norm.  Of course that means relevant topics of my day.  Read into that what you will, my loves.  Prepare to be scribbled!