Throat Punch Thursday. Period.

This is my very first Throat Punch Thursday post ever. Not that I haven't kicked a few people or things in the junk before but this is actually me pissed off at Thursday itself.

Especially this Thursday.

1. Sick Kid

My son is sick. It started with allergies which then developed into a chest cold. Ninja Poke to the Eye, Cold.

2. Period

I have it. Which means irritability, pimples and back cramps. And worse - I'm obviously not pregnant. Thanks for being a dick, period.

3. Musical Doodle

That dang Musical Doodle song from Spongebob is stuck in my head. I really need to turn the tv off after dropping off E in the morning so that I don't end up seeing random cartoons with catchy songs.

4. Rain

It's supposed to rain today. Which is cool, because I like rain, but not cool because my husband has not covered the spot on the damaged car where the door no longer meets the roof, so it will probably leak.

So suck it, Thursday. Soon you'll be gone and Friday will take your place. And Friday sounds like a way cooler dude.

Image via Wikipedia
Painting entitled Thursday (Tomorrow Will Be Friday)

From now on I will be saving most of my rant-like posts for Thursdays, so tune in there if you want to grab your pitchforks and satisfy your need to join a lynch mob.


Once I have a few days to myself again (next week) I will be doing my full transfer over to Wordpress - stay tuned for the official post!  


Don't forget to join the Scribblezen Community on  Scribblesaurus on Facebook and Twitter so that you don't miss a thing! 

Sunshine on my Blog Face!

So Jennifer over at Mamawolfe gave me a Sunshine Award! Cuz I make people happy about all the things!

I am pretty happy to get this because (1) it's a pretty picture and it reminds me of my yard outside that I am ignoring because I am inside glued to my laptop as if it were a giant block of crack with a keyboard on it and (2) it feels super warm and fuzzy that someone enjoys my weird posts in the way that I intend.

So thank you Jennifer! Go pop by her blog - her writing is delightful and if you check out her About Me you will see that she is also pretty hot ;)  If you just read that in a creepy way then do not go over there. Leave her alone, you stalker.

Now - on to the questions that I must answer, for said award requires me to reveal some deets to you.

Blogging Thoughts from a Newb

Scribblesaurus Me just had it's two month anniversary. Wooooo! Who cares right?

So because I'm such an old hand at this now *snort* I decided to give new bloggers or, dare I say, some old ones my views as a new follower! That's right! You want to know what a new blog reader wants and and does not want, right?

Buckle up, buttercup - here you go.

All I want for Christmas is Me

Oh hi there. Yes, you, over there - with the Lululemon pants and the Starbucks.   

You look like a fit, healthy, well-rested modern day woman who gets to the yoga studio and has amazing girls' nights out with your equally awesome friends. 

Um, this may be a little awkward, but have you seen my butt? It was last seen about 4 years ago heading home from a Yin class in Yaletown, wrapped in a pair of tight black yoga pants and securing numerous stares and compliments from passersby. 

I thought you may know where it is, since you seem to travel in the same circles as my butt did.

Image by mindwalker2076 via Flickr
This came up when I searched for 'Yin'
so I had to include it.

Does this conversation sound familiar? Do you wonder where your butt went? Your nice, tight booty, perky boobs, glowing complexion and expensively colored and styled hair left you when you had your kids? Your manicure and your pedicure and waxed legs, pits, eyebrows and bikini line hit the road when you stopped getting a full night of sleep and had no time to waste on silly things like self-grooming?

Well this year I've decided that unlike the usual vapid Christmas list, I'm going for broke. That's right - I want ME back!

A bunch of things need to happen to effect my desired result so I spent a good amount of time thinking about it and narrowed it down to 10 things. My list is compiled in order of importance but that mostly just indicates which 'surprise!' gift certificates I want to open first.

Husband! Listen up!

1. Professional hair color/cut at the uber hair salon that I used to frequent.

2. Mani/pedi including reflexology.

3. Hour long massage at a spa complete with cucumbers on my eyes, a facial and a fluffy robe. And little sandwiches, juice and a fruit plate.

4. Two or three really good nights of sleep. Uninterrupted by man, dog, child or alarm.

5. A trip to the MAC store for makeup application and the product that goes with it.

6. Full body waxing. Ok not the entire body but all the gross bits.

7. Dinner out with a few girlfriends. Including wine and a taxi home. Or limo if you want to go all out.

8. Time each week to go running or to the gym, at least one evening a week. That includes childcare.

9. A personalized full service bra fitting complete with new bras.

10. A stylus and illustrator program so I can ignore everyone and hide out in the office making funny
pictures and giggling maniacally to myself.

That's it! Please please please, I've been such a good girl this year. I've been covered in poop and food. I've endured tantrums and work stresses and a bad dog. A fucking TREE FELL ON MY CAR. I deserve this. I need this.

And if you see my butt can you please tell it I miss it and I've love for it to come home. Don't forget to mention that I will really commit this time - lots of squats and lunges, as many as it needs.

Image by Mat Honan via Flickr
These are not my butt.

I'm a bored, stinky, annoying geek. You?

Sometimes I sit back and take some inventory on how I'd doing as a person. You know like maybe some moral stuff or personality traits that suck and then I figure out how to hide it from people make a change.

Here are the things I came up with today that you might wish you didn't know.

1. I love Real Housewives of New Jersey but the rest of the Housewives shows blow.
   
2. Sometimes I tell my son I'm busy for a minute when I'm not because I just don't feel like getting up again for the 30th time in 5 minutes and I'm hoping he will forget that he wanted his blue car.
   
3. I started growing a black beard hair on my chin and it shows up to surprise me by growing 5mm overnight about once every 4 months.
   
4. My armpits got smellier since I was pregnant.
   
5. I text my husband way too much when he's at work and I'm bored. And then get irrationally mad at him when he doesn't respond right away.
   
6. I believe that I can dispel negative vibes or energy with a blast of light formed by the power of my mind.
   
7. Sometimes I poke my dog when she's sleeping because I want her to cuddle with me.
   
8. I watch way too many shows about ancient civilizations.
   
9. I was co-GM of a raiding guild in World of Warcraft until I had Ender. My last raid before quitting was a first down of Shade of Akama in Black Temple while I was nursing E on my lap.
   
10. Ezio in Assassin's Creed is my dream man.

This is obviously not Shade of Akama but it is
Gruul and it has some of my fav guildies in it.

Since we're in the mood for sharing, tell me something about you that would make this list! Don't be shy, all the cool kids are doing it.

I'm thankful for this stuff

(see below for update)

I'm kind of shallow sometimes. I admit it.

So instead of going for the big points on what I'm thankful for, like the liberation of blank from blank, the fact that the Canadian Space Agency is still going strong and that so many people I know are expecting little bundles of joy/sleepless nights next year, I decided to be thankful for some of the less significant, more mundane things in my life.

1. My husband is not a douche canoe. Woo!
2. I finally got to say douche canoe in a post.
3. My dog does not have fleas.
4. It's not quite sunny but at least it's not raining right now.
5. My friends pretty much rock. And will paint rocks with me this weekend. That's pretty cool.
6. My couch is super comfy.
7. They made a TV show of The Walking Dead.
8. My son poops on the potty now. Mostly.
9. There are very few spiders in my house or they are really good at hiding. Maybe both.
10. A new bird of paradise bloomed in my yard today.

Run, Rick!  Run!

NOTE: I have no idea why Zemanta would suggest Kieth Richards or Jesus as tags for this post but they were listed so how could I not include them?


UPDATE: No lie - I haven't seen a spider in my house in months and about 15 minutes after hitting 'publish' a spider scrabbled up the wall behind me. I swear it was this guy, Patrick from the article 'Spiders' from Cracked.com, all watching over my shoulder while I typed.

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10 Reasons why you should try to have all your colds before you have kids.

With cold and flu season upon us and having fallen victim myself (yep, I'm still whining) I got to thinking that a cold is ridiculously easy to manage before you have kids so you really should go ahead and try to do all your sick-getting ahead of time.  Here is a list of 10 reasons you might want to think about getting your colds out of the way now:

1. You can sit around and cough at any place in your house that you deem appropriate. Anywhere. For as long as it takes.
2. You can lay on the couch with your feel-better accessories all day. All day.
3. You only have to get out of bed to pee or grab another package of kleenex.
4. You don't have to be woken in the morning by someone jumping on your tender lungs.
5. You don't have to sterilize yourself and feed other people.
6. You don't have to go to the park. Or outside at all for that matter.
7. You don't have to hide in the garage during midnight coughing fits for fear of waking the kid.
8. Your dog won't get sick of having to spend time with you in quarantine.
9. If your throat hurts really bad you don't have to talk.
10. You don't risk peeing a little from coughing, sneezing or blowing your nose.

That last one was probably a little more mommy-related but I don't want to be gender racist so I'm not going to point that out...shit.

Image via Wikipedia.
That guy looks crazy mad.