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Monday, October 17, 2011

On Word Usage

Some things seem to exist only to drive you mad.  Like the dreaded 'ear worm' (thanks Rick Astley) certain words bug the shit out of me.

10 WORDS THAT BUG THE SHIT OUT OF ME

1.  McAnything.  Adding an erroneous 'Mc' to the beginning of any word is done.  It's over folks.  Stop it right meow.

eg.  "Wow, that cat is Super McFast!".

Nope, not unless you fry it in old grease and serve it up between a couple of petrified hamburger buns.  I'm not saying that doesn't exist somewhere, but likely not in your neighbor's yard. Depending where you live.  Dammit you know what I mean!  No more McStupid McFakey words.*

*Before you start drafting up your witty rebuttals, know that 'Mac' is also included. You MacSmartasses.

2.  Uber.  In and of itself, this word isn't all that bad.  In a weird way it sort of makes me think of IKEA.  It's a satisfactorally composed word that's pretty easy to put together.  Except that some people refuse to read the directions.

eg. "That gear on your level 48 fury warrior is pretty uber!"

Wrong!  Uber should only be used as an adjective BEFORE the noun.  Not as a standalone at the end of a sentence.

eg.  "You have such an uber 'chant on your chest piece that Gruul is reduced to swatting at you like a kitten."

Correct.  You wouldn't put the drawers in before tightening the bolts on the frame, now would you?

3.  Winning.  'Winning' is for losers.  The end.

4.  Bro.  Are you a super tanned, super ripped twenty-something that spends every moment of his free time surfing in either California or Australia, living in a tent and eating grubs and seaweed (while hiding a secret trust fund) in order to establish your cred?  Oh you are?  Ok, then you can say 'bro'.  If not, don't.

5.  Number 1 and Number 2 as alternatives to Pee and Poo.  Come on!!  With all the things that us parents have to worry about, are you really that concerned that your kid say pee or poo?  Do you think they will go their whole lives excusing themselves to go 1 or 2?  All they are going to do is make up other phrases like 'making butt putty'.  Same goes for using the scientific names.  I just don't see Ender going to the pediatrician and saying 'Why yes, good doctor!  My bowel movements have been regular and solid, thank you.  Indeed.'

6.  Dope.  Things are not dope.  Whether referring to a person or to drugs, it's not really a positive descriptor.

eg.  "That walkman is so dope!"  Really?  A cassette player made of meth that can't string enough words together to form a coherent sentence?  I'll take two!

7.  Score.  Should only be used when referring to which team or individual is winning or losing at a sporting event.  Period.

eg.  "The score is 10-1 Canucks vs San Jose."  Correct.
eg.  "Hey, can you score me some tickets to Nickleback?"  Wrong.  In so many ways, wrong.

8. Burn.  Perfectly acceptable when used to describe something that is on fire.  Not acceptable to taunt the victim of a sarcastic comment.

eg. "Don't burn the house down you little pyromaniac!"  Good usage there.
eg.  "Oooooh, buuuuuurn!"  *ring* *ring*  Hello?  Yes, I'm calling you on your brickish gray Motorola Flip Phone to let you know that you can stop using words from the 90's.  K bye.

9.  Harsh.  Using the word harsh is harsh.  Oh, you see what I did there.

10.  Any celebrity names jammed together to indicate current relationship status.  Brangelina, Bennifer, etc.  I just can't even write about it.  Probably because I'm older than 12.



5 comments:

Rich said...

How about 'boner'? That word feels like a solid throwback to the late 80's. :)

Anonymous said...

I hate #10 too, the only celeb name I found funny though that they made fun of was when Kevin Federline & Brittney Spears were done and they called him FedEx.. that is still awesome! :)

Amanda@runninghood said...

So funny! I hate when people say "just sayin" after something they think will be a hit with others. Just sayin. We know you said it dumb ass...you don't have to say "just sayin'". :)

Tracy said...

Too true! I once had the misfortune of being a witness in a criminal trial and then had to review the transcript of my testimony. Couldn't believe I actually sounded like that when talking. 'Like' 'um' 'uh' 'hmm' 'ya' and 'well' made up about 65% of it.

Marion said...

Is it alright if older people, who mostly live in the past and in the Cariboo bush, use these? I haven't actually heard of any of these, except uber, which I grew up with. So in order to catch up to not using them, I thought I'd try to use all of them today...heh! xx

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