Stay at Home What-Now?

Hello - my name is Tracy and I'm a stay at home mom. 

I've been a SAHM for three years, four months and 2 days. Phew! It's good to get that off my chest.

My whole adult life and throughout my pregnancy I was 100% certain that I would return to work after my one year maternity leave in Canada. We even toyed with the idea of me returning after 9 months off. My workplace was amazing and filled with wonderful people.

So how did I become a stay at home mom anyways?

Image via Wikipedia

Pure sick, pet & husband hugging, book reading, puddle splashing, pregnant getting, snuggy wearing awesomeness. Or whatever.

I'm not feeling very artsy, rant-like (yes that's a word I just made it up) or coherent today so I thought I'd just post a rundown of random stuff that's happened in the past 24 hours. Read on at your own risk. You should probably grab a coffee or a drink or something first.

Puddle Jumping - Friday afternoon Ender and I went splashing. He loved it and I stood out on the street taking photos and vids of him in the puddle, babbling away at him with my wheezy sick voice. Several people went by, none said a word. They were boring.

Snuggies - I discussed the likelihood of owning multiple snuggies with a stranger on twitter.

Breakdown - Battling strep is really hard when you are single parenting because your husband works all the time and your toddler has absolutely no concept of how close to the breaking point mommy might actually be. So there I sat, crying because I didn't want to get up and switch the milk I already got for E into a new glass that had blue on it. The yellow glass was perfectly fine and I couldn't even really explain it to him because whispering doesn't get through to an insistent preschooler! Then I cried because I'm SICK and frustrated until my little hero put his arms around me and said 'don't cry mommy.... are you fine now?'. Then I felt like a shit for making a 3 year old feel like he had to comfort me. I'm SO winning mommy of the year this time around. Plus I secretly felt a lot better for gaining the empathy of a 3 year old and convinced myself I've done something right in raising him.

Conception - Rich came home late two nights in a row to a sweaty, feverish, lung-hacking mess of a wife waving a positive ovulation test at him. I was super considerate and left my t-shirt on to contain the vapo-rub and kept my filthy strep mouth shut while he squeezed his eyes shut and managed to do his part. Yeah - it was pretty hot. Rich said he hopes we get pregnant so he can always remember how beautiful the moment was. He is such a smartass!

Forced Pet Cuddling - No one else would enter the bedroom last night. My family sort of put me on quarantine. But I was feeling alone and needy so I ordered Kyssa to come up on the bed and cuddle with me for a kind of forced-spooning while I mumbled about how she's the only one who loves me or something. She can't complain though because when I was pregnant with Ender she curled around my tummy every chance she got. Tit for tat, dog.  Tit for tat. (now a bunch of pervs are going to land here through dirty search terms...)

The Art of Being Offensive - I posted a status update on Facebook that said "So boys in the locker room are the new altar boys". Holy tumbleweeds Batman. I expected some sort of debate over that but I think it was SO offensive that everyone just did that cat thing from Puss in Boots.

Borderline Awkward Hugging - This morning I accosted Rich in the kitchen for a hug. He felt sorry for his pathetic whiney wifebot so he wrapped his arms around me in an attempt to make me feel better. So then I just stayed that way. Hugging. For quite a while - waiting to see how long it would be before he felt it would be appropriate to break contact. Did I mention he's quite a trooper?

Preschoolers can outsmart you. All the time - I've been trying to read this book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faver & Elaine Mazlish. I got to a section this morning about a woman who puts a sign up on the entrance to her kitchen to keep her little ones out so she can make dinner. I decided to solicit Ender's opinion and said "Hey E, if I put up a sign that says 'Kitchen Closed Until Dinner' will you stay out of the kitchen?". He laughed and sort of regarded me with that expression that people get when they look at retarded kittens and said "No mommy, but I can make a sign that says 'Kitchen Open' for you.".  From the mouths of babes.

A bunch of other crap happened but that's all I have time for right now. Uber-awesome Rich took E to a motorcycle show today so I can drug myself with Nyquil and sleep. Oh sweet elusive sleep. For all our faults, I think I married well :)

The Hierarchy of the Playground - Part One

The park is the place to go if you want to see all types of parenting and children from all walks of life smooshed together in one giant heap. It's like a cold war on the playground sometimes. All the mommies trying to be friendly while keeping one nervous eye on their little ones to make sure that their own kid isn't the one who pushes little Suzie down the slide today. At the same time, they are all trying to posture to see who can come out on top of  the 'Mommy With Best Behaved Toddler' category.

Ender is actually quite mild mannered when it comes to his interactions with other kids so I don't generally have to worry that he's going to physically harm anyone at the playground. He is not slappy or pushy now (he used to straight-arm kids to the ground to claim a firetruck) but he can get very attached to certain toys and very loud when he thinks someone has taken it from him. And by 'taken' I mean started to play with it while Ender was neither using it nor aware of its existence. We're working on that :/

So we run into all kinds at the park next door and I thought it would be fun to try to define them in some way. To get started, here are some of the sub-groups that I could come up with:

1. The Aged Toddler.  Seasoned, world weary four year olds who don't like any kids less than four years old. They tend to tell the little ones to bug off whenever one strays near.
2. The Clinger.  Kids who have invisible parents. Once they spot you actively playing with your own kid they smell the compassion on you and adopt you as their own. They will talk your ear off, insist that you look at cool stuff and beg for pushes on the swings.
3. The Screamer.  These are the kids that scream so loud over random shit that their voices crack and warble. Like yelling 'THERE IS A ROCK BY THE SWING! OH MY GOD!' before taking another sip of their Big Gulp. They howl and run and smash into stationary structures with all the grace of an tiny wino.
4. The Girl Pack.  Girls who will never play by herself if there is another female child within a 40 foot radius. The girl packs will converge on a play structure and none shall enter without their permission (which is rarely granted without parental intervention).
5. The Loner.  The kids who just want to climb around by themselves or with mommy/daddy, offering up a meek smile to any random passers by and might just participate in a short, to-the-point 'look what I can do' conversation if they are feeling particularly engaging that day. Usually the two and three year old set. Ender fits in this category.
6. The Playdater.  Includes kids from any of the above categories who have arrived at the park with prior acquaintances. These kids play quite well among themselves, chatting and running and generally giving those Playdate Mommies over there on the park bench a 5 minute window to chat with another adult and drink 1/3 of a latte unfettered by tyrannical demands. Lucky bitches.

There are many variations on the above list but I just wanted to cover the groups I see the most. Feel free to comment if I've left out a major subset and I'll add it in.

In the essence of fairness I will extrapolate on the major groups of parents in The Hierarchy - Part Two (coming soon!).

Singing in the rain!
My little loner - Mickey umbrella and a bit of rain and he's good to go.

I'm No June Cleaver - Neither Are You

Looking around my house the past couple of days it's a wonder there are no small animals taking up residence somewhere among the discarded toys, coffee cups and folded laundry that has yet to be put away. It's like Fisher Price puked in my living room during an earthquake.

It got me to thinking - I can't be the only one! In fact, some of my friends have admitted that they are in the same boat. I strongly suspect ones with clean, tidy houses are single, childless and have housekeepers, but that's just my opinion. Actually, we have cleaners that come once a month and oh, for that 1/2 a day after they've been here the house sparkles and smells so fresh and clean.  They even vacuum little crosshatch patterns into the couch!  Eeee!

And then that evening comes along, the kid is home, the dog is shedding, husband is flopped out and I have 14 things that I want to work on scattered all around. And that's how it stays for the next month until the cleaners come again. But we try, you see. That's the clincher - we constantly tidy, wipe, wash, put away and sweep only to have it look like that whole time spent cleaning was nothing more than a nightmare full of lies!

Gawd Ender - Clean your kitchen, dude!

So how did June Cleaver do it? How did she cook three luscious meals a day, keep her house spotless, raise great kids and keep her husband happy and satisfied, all while wearing a prim dress and perfect hair and makeup? I'll tell you - the magic of television! I don't believe that every household in America was like that. My own mother cooked, cleaned and had a pretty spotless house. She did employ us kids to achieve that though. Scuffy little chimney sweeps we were! Ok, that part isn't true - we didn't sweep the chimney but we cleaned the damned fireplace and mowed a lawn the size of a field!

Life is too fast now - we need to take the time to slow it down a little. We speed around trying to achieve so much in so little time because that's our culture - everything at the speed of light. Who has time to worry about their home when there are things in cyber-space that need our attention? We try to spend more time with our kids I think - maybe it's easier to vacuum or cook dinner when your kids know to be seen and not heard?

Even as a stay at home mom, attending school, taking the full gamut of financial, legal, parenting and household maintenance on as my responsibilities takes a huge bite out of my time. Not to mention that since I am a stay at home mom I feel that I need to put so much extra effort into doing amazing things for my son that he probably doesn't notice or need. I HAVE to take him to the park more, I HAVE to do more activities, arts, crafts etc. because that's my job too, right?

I think it's obvious that I'm a little confused and overwhelmed, even after three years of this. Working in a law firm was easier. Yes it was. But it's also fun and I get to be a kid for a big part of the day. So my house is kinda messy today. Meh - I'll clean it up a bit later, after I play some cars with Ender :)


Technorati Claim Code QRNJJ9ZY3UQS